Nobody wants to think about their own funeral. It's uncomfortable, morbid, and feels like tempting fate.
But here's the truth: pre-planning your funeral is one of the most loving, practical things you can do for your family. When done right, it removes enormous burden from grieving loved ones and ensures your wishes are honored.
This guide explains how to pre-plan your funeral and why it matters.
Why Pre-Plan?
When someone dies unexpectedly, the family must make dozens of expensive decisions while emotionally devastated and often within 24-48 hours.
Decisions needed immediately:
- Burial or cremation?
- Which funeral home?
- What type of service?
- Open or closed casket?
- What music, readings, speakers?
- Obituary content?
- Burial plot or cremation disposition?
- Flowers, donations, reception?
All while grieving, often disagreeing, and under time pressure from funeral homes.
Result: Overspending (average funeral costs $7,000-12,000), family conflict, and choices that may not reflect what the deceased wanted.
With pre-planning:
- Decisions made calmly, without pressure
- Family knows exactly what you want
- Reduces or eliminates family conflict
- Can lock in today's prices (if pre-paid)
- Allows time to compare prices and options
- Family can focus on grieving, not logistics
What to Plan
Core Decisions
1. Burial or Cremation?
Burial pros:
- Traditional, familiar
- Physical location to visit
- Some religions require it
- Permanent memorial
Burial cons:
- Expensive ($7,000-12,000+)
- Requires cemetery plot ($1,000-4,000)
- Ongoing maintenance fees
- Geographic limitations
Cremation pros:
- Less expensive ($1,000-3,000)
- More flexibility (ashes can be scattered, kept, buried)
- No cemetery plot needed
- Easier to move or divide among family
Cremation cons:
- Some religions prohibit it
- No physical grave to visit
- Permanent (can't change mind)
My recommendation: Choose based on religious/personal beliefs, not just cost. But if cost is a factor, cremation offers significant savings.
2. Type of Service
Traditional funeral:
- Viewing/visitation
- Formal service
- Burial or cremation after
- Cost: $7,000-15,000
Memorial service:
- Service without body present
- Often after cremation
- More flexible timing and location
- Cost: $1,000-3,000
Celebration of life:
- Less formal
- Focus on joy, not mourning
- Can be anywhere (home, park, restaurant)
- Cost: Variable, often less
Direct burial/cremation:
- No service
- Body buried or cremated quickly
- Memorial can happen later if desired
- Cost: $1,000-3,000
Green/natural burial:
- No embalming
- Biodegradable casket or shroud
- Natural cemetery
- Cost: $2,000-5,000
3. Service Details
Document your preferences:
Music:
- Specific songs
- Live or recorded
- Religious hymns or secular music
Readings:
- Religious texts
- Poems
- Passages from favorite books
Speakers:
- Who should give eulogy?
- Open mic for attendees?
- Religious leader or family-led?
Visual elements:
- Photo displays
- Video tribute
- Memory boards
- Personal items on display
Reception:
- Yes or no?
- Where?
- Food preferences?
- Who hosts?
4. Final Resting Place
If burial:
- Cemetery name and location
- Plot already purchased or need to buy?
- Type of casket
- Headstone or marker preferences
- Inscription wording
If cremation:
- What to do with ashes?
- Burial in cemetery (cremation plot)
- Scatter in specific location
- Keep in urn at home
- Divide among family members
- Cremation jewelry
- Incorporated into reef, tree, fireworks, etc.
5. Legal/Administrative
Organ donation:
- Register as organ donor
- Specify which organs/tissues
- Tell family your wishes
Body donation:
- Medical schools accept whole-body donation
- For science education/research
- Free cremation after use
- Family receives ashes 1-2 years later
Obituary:
- Write your own (most accurate)
- Include:
- Basic facts
- Achievements
- Family members
- What mattered to you
- Service details
- Memorial donation preferences
Death certificates:
- Plan to order 10-15 copies
- Needed for banks, insurance, government
- Cost $10-25 each
How to Document Your Wishes
Create a Funeral Planning Document
Include:
Personal information:
- Full legal name
- Date and place of birth
- Social Security number
- Military service details
- Current address
Preferences:
- Burial or cremation
- Type of service
- Location
- Music, readings, speakers
- Casket/urn preferences
- Clothing for burial
- Flowers or charitable donations
- Reception preferences
Contacts:
- Funeral home preference
- Cemetery preference
- Religious leader contact
- People to notify
- Obituary newspapers
Legal documents location:
- Will
- Life insurance policies
- Deeds and titles
- Financial accounts
Financial:
- Budget for funeral
- Pre-paid funeral plan info
- Life insurance policy numbers
- Bank accounts for payment
Where to Store This Document
Multiple copies in multiple places:
- Give to executor
- Give to adult children or close family
- Keep with other estate planning documents
- Give to your lawyer
- Possibly with funeral home if pre-arranged
Not: In safe deposit box (may be sealed at death)
Pre-Paying vs. Pre-Planning
Pre-planning: Documenting your wishes (free) Pre-paying: Paying for funeral in advance (optional)
Should You Pre-Pay?
Pros of pre-paying:
- Locks in today's prices (funeral costs rise 3-5% annually)
- Guarantees funds are available
- Removes financial burden from family
- Can pay slowly over time
Cons of pre-paying:
- Money is locked up
- If you move, complications arise
- Funeral home could go out of business
- Losing flexibility
- Could invest money better elsewhere
Red flags:
- High-pressure sales
- Unclear refund policies
- No written guarantee of services
- Funeral home takes money directly (not trust/insurance)
Safer alternatives:
- Pay-on-death bank account earmarked for funeral
- Life insurance policy assigned to funeral home
- Trust fund for funeral expenses
My recommendation: Pre-plan always. Pre-pay only if:
- You have terminal illness
- Want to lock in prices
- Using trustworthy, established funeral home
- Funds put in state-regulated trust or insurance
Comparing Costs
Required by law: Funeral homes must provide itemized price lists. Get them from 3-4 homes and compare.
Typical costs breakdown:
Basic services fee: $2,000-3,000 Transportation: $300-500 Embalming: $500-700 Cosmetology: $200-300 Viewing/visitation: $400-500 Funeral ceremony: $500-700 Casket: $2,000-10,000 Burial vault: $1,000-3,000 Cemetery plot: $1,000-4,000 Headstone: $1,000-3,000 Cremation: $1,000-3,000 (alternative to above)
Ways to save:
- Choose direct cremation or burial
- Buy casket online (Costco, Amazon - legal and cheaper)
- Skip embalming if not required
- Hold service at church/home instead of funeral home
- Use cremation urn instead of expensive casket
- Choose green burial
- Compare prices aggressively
Communicating Your Wishes
Have "the conversation":
Don't just write it down—discuss it with family.
Topics to cover:
- Your choices and why
- Location of documentation
- Financial arrangements
- Who's in charge
- Any unusual requests
Make it easier:
- Do it over dinner, not dramatically
- Frame as "I want to make this easier for you"
- Allow questions and concerns
- Revisit every few years
Script starter: "I've been thinking about end-of-life planning. I want to make sure you know my wishes so you're not burdened with difficult decisions when the time comes. Can we talk about it?"
What Not to Do
Common mistakes:
-
Putting wishes only in will
- Will isn't read until after funeral
- Too late to follow wishes
-
Telling only one person
- They might predecease you
- Others might not believe them
-
Making it too complicated
- Simple, clear wishes are best
- Overly specific requests are hard to fulfill
-
Forgetting to update
- Circumstances change
- Review every 3-5 years
-
Not telling anyone where documents are
- Document exists but no one finds it
- Defeats the purpose
Special Considerations
Religious Requirements
Different faiths have specific requirements:
Jewish: Burial within 24-48 hours, no embalming, specific rituals Muslim: Burial within 24 hours, body faces Mecca, specific washing rituals Catholic: Often requires church service, cremation now allowed Hindu: Cremation required, specific rituals Buddhist: Cremation typical, specific timeframes
Consult your religious leader for specific requirements.
Veterans
Veterans benefits include:
- Free burial in national cemetery
- Free headstone or marker
- Burial flag
- Presidential Memorial Certificate
To claim: Need DD-214 (discharge papers)
Green/Natural Burial
Growing trend for environmental reasons:
- No embalming (toxic chemicals)
- Biodegradable casket/shroud
- Natural cemetery (no pesticides, minimal maintenance)
- Returns body to earth naturally
- Often less expensive
- Legal in all states but check local regulations
Your Action Plan
This week:
- Decide burial vs. cremation
- Choose type of service
- Write initial preferences
This month: 4. Visit 2-3 funeral homes, get price lists 5. Visit cemetery if considering burial 6. Complete funeral planning document 7. Discuss with family 8. Give copies to key people
This year: 9. Consider pre-payment options 10. Update will to reference funeral plans 11. Review and update organ donor status 12. Draft obituary
The Gift You're Giving
Pre-planning your funeral might be uncomfortable now, but it's a profound act of love.
You're sparing your family from:
- Difficult decisions while grieving
- Financial stress and overspending
- Family arguments about what you wanted
- Guilt about "doing it wrong"
You're giving them:
- Clear instructions
- Peace of mind
- Freedom to grieve instead of plan
- Confidence they're honoring your wishes
Plan your funeral this month. Write it down. Discuss it with family. Update it regularly.
It's not morbid. It's responsible. It's loving. It's one of the best gifts you can give the people you love.
Start this week.